


Tell Me I'm A Bad Man

by OwenToDawn



Category: AOMG, Show Me the Money (Korea TV), korean hip hop, you.will.knovv
Genre: Crying, Dom Drop, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Finger Sucking, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Relationship Negotiation, Top Drop, Trauma, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:54:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29087196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwenToDawn/pseuds/OwenToDawn
Summary: “You’d let me do anything wouldn’t you?”The words are said with fascination, not derision. Like Myunghwan’s just now realized that Wonjae is so willing to follow his lead and has been since they first became friends.“Close to it,” Wonjae says. He opens his eyes and looks back at the television where his character idles. “But I’m not a pushover either.”“I know.” Myunghwan says the words with a whisper.
Relationships: Choi Myunghwan | Mokyo/Woo Wonjae
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	Tell Me I'm A Bad Man

**Author's Note:**

> Don't mind me just writing like 5 Wonjae fics in a row haha 
> 
> I saw a picture of Mokyo and Wonjae together and was inspired. This was supposed to just be a smutty one shot and then it turned into more than that. I hope you enjoy it anyways! Comments and kudos are loved. 
> 
> Title from House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance

It starts on accident; a series of strange and impulsive decisions that they should’ve blown off with an awkward laugh and then never spoken about again.

Myunghwan walks his fingers along the thorns etched into Wonjae’s neck as Wonjae rests his cheek on Myunghwan’s thigh. Ami sleeps on his hip, her tail occasionally flicking against his lower back where his shirt has ridden up, and across the room on the television, Wonjae tries to navigate his way through his Animal Crossing village. It’s hard when his head is tilted like this. He keeps messing up the directions but that’s why he’s playing this and not something more serious. He doesn’t want to give up the comfort that comes with being close to one of his best friends.

Myunghwan makes a humming contemplative noise when his fingers reach Wonjae’s jaw. Instead of stopping or moving back down, he walks them up this his ear and over his cheek, and Wonjae gives a short, barely there laugh.

“What are you doing?” he asks as Myunghwan’s long fingers slide over his chin. He can see the orange of the tattoo across his middle finger out of the corner of his eye even with his focus mostly on trying not to dig up the flowers a fossil is right next to.

"How is your skin so clear?” Myunghwan asks.

"Garlic shots,” Wonjae says, laughing at his own joke as Myunghwan’s fingers glide up over his cheekbone.

“You may be a gym rat like Jay these days but I know you’re not doing those,” Myunghwan says.

“I could probably bench press you now, careful,” Wonjae says.

Ami decides she hates the talking and rolls off his hip before cutting a path across the living room to the window instead. He digs up the fossil and runs towards the ramp up to the second level to look for more. Myunghwan’s fingers slip down again. They touch the corner of Wonjae’s lips. Wonjae stops to talk to a neighbor who begins explaining a new reaction for his character to do, and then Myunghwan’s fingers slide over his lips. Still focused on his game, he opens his mouth and bites down on Myunghwan’s fingers, fully anticipating that Myunghwan will chastise him and pull away. But he doesn’t.

Wonjae mashes the a button to skip the dialogue, heart jumping into his throat. Myunghwan’s fingers, two of them, hook over his bottom teeth and tug and without thinking, Wonjae drops his mouth open a little more. This is definitely weird now. He can feel them rapidly approaching the line where this stops being something they can laugh off and becomes something they have to discuss instead. Myunghwan uncurls his fingers and they brush against the flat of Wonjae’s tongue. They taste of skin and sweat and ash from his last cigarette. He closes his mouth, lips curling over his teeth, and sucks, tongue slipping between Myunghwan’s fingers.

Myunghwan inhales, the noise soft. Wonjae can feel his face burning from the anxious embarrassment of the situation but he’s struck by something that feels like desire. He doesn’t…want Myunghwan to take his fingers away. Which okay, knowing he has the capacity to be into guys is different from experiencing it. Especially about someone he’s such good friends with, but then maybe that makes more sense. People who make him feel safe and heard have always been the people he’s gravitated towards so why wouldn’t Myunghwan be someone he might be attracted? Still…

“Is this okay?” Myunghwan asks and his voice sounds strained.

Wonjae swallows around his fingers and nods. Sucks on them again, scrapes his teeth against the pads of the tips of his fingers. Listens to Myunghwan inhale again, a little sharper than before, and then feels him push his fingers deeper. His grip on the controller loosens and he closes his eyes because even if he’s not looking at Myunghwan he feels too…something, to just keep his eyes open as he runs his tongue over both of Myunghwan’s fingers.

“You’d let me do anything wouldn’t you?”

The words are said with fascination, not derision. Like Myunghwan’s just now realized that Wonjae is so willing to follow his lead and has been since they first became friends. He pulls his head back so Myunghwan’s fingers slip back out.

“Close to it,” Wonjae says. He opens his eyes and looks back at the television where his character idles. “But I’m not a pushover either.”

“I know.” Myunghwan says the words with a whisper.

His fingers trace over Wonjae’s lips. Tension lays thick between them and after a moment, Wonjae sets his switch to sleep mode and turns into Myunghwan, looking up at him. Myunghwan’s gaze looks as overwhelmed as Wonjae feels.

“I’m gonna suck your dick in ten seconds if you don’t stop me,” he says with more bravery than he feels.

“Fuck,” Myunghwan says, breathing the word out as he tilts his head back and shoves his fingers back in Wonjae’s mouth. “Just…are you actually…”

Wonjae licks his way off Myunghwan’s fingers and kisses the palm of his hand instead. “I’m into you. I want to. Just didn’t think…I didn’t think it was ever something I’d mention.”

Myunghwan swears again and hisses out a yes and Wonjae scrambles off the couch and into his knees between Myunghwan’s legs. His fingers slip, clumsy, over the zipper of Myunghwan’s skinny jeans. Myunghwan helps, tugging the zipper down. Then, he stops, looking down at Wonjae for a moment before contorting himself forward, hands framing Wonjae’s face and tugging him up to press their lips together. It’s a shockingly soft kiss for the mood, Wonjae thinks. Myunghwan’s lips are chapped from the way he constantly gnaws at them but his tongue is hot and slick when he pushes it into Wonjae’s mouth. Arousal pulses through him as he grabs at Myunghwan’s wrist. He can hear Myunghwan’s delicate bones creak under his tight grip and he gasps as Myunghwan breaks the kiss.

“If we do this, it’s not just fucking,” Myunghwan says, his gaze intense when he’s so close. “Got that?”

“Yeah,” Wonjae says. “I know. You…you’re…” His other hand squeezes Myunghwan’s knee. He doesn’t know how to say it, how to express that Myunghwan’s one of the most important people in his life. He can tell Myunghwan gets it though. He sees the same feelings reflected right back at him in Myunghwan’s gaze.

Myunghwan leans forward and presses a rough kiss to his lips one more time before pulling back and letting his hands rest on his own thighs. “Come on then.”

The casual way he says it makes something in Wonjae uncurl a little, but the emotion scares him too much to put a finger on it. Instead, he chases the physical sensations. He shoves his hand into Myunghwan’s pants and helps him pull his half hard cock out before leaning forward and taking the tip in his mouth. He doesn’t…actually know what he’s doing. He’s never actually gone this far before and after a brief second, he realizes that this might be a mistake if only because of the anxiety and fear of fucking up causes. Tentatively, he licks his tongue across the top of Myunghwan’s cock, shivering at the low noise he gets in response. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Myunghwan’s fingers curl into a fist. 

That’s enough to remind him that Myunghwan of all people won’t care if he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He just…likes him. And Wonjae likes him too, so it’s safe to fuck up and be god damn terrible at this. He closes his eyes and sinks a little lower, flattening his tongue so Myunghwan’s cock can press deeper as he goes, only to gag the moment it touches the back of his throat. Myunghwan’s fingers curl up through his short hair, nudging him up and off. Wonjae coughs into his arm, spit slicking his lips.

“Careful, baby,” Myunghwan says and Wonjae has to breathe deep and close his eyes at the punch of arousal the term of endearment causes.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Wonjae says and fuck his voice sounds even rougher than usual.

“Here,” Myunghwan says, and it’s all the warning he has before Myunghwan has two fingers in his mouth again.

Wonjae keeps his eyes shut as Myunghwan tugs his mouth open wider but he opens them when Myunghwan shoves his two fingers deep enough to press at the back of his tongue. The look Myunghwan stares at him with makes him feel…that feeling he’s scared of feeling. Owned. But in a good way. Myunghwan sets up a steady rhythm, sliding his fingers in and out across Wonjae’s tongue sliding back, back, back, making him gag over and over until he gets used to it and just…stops.

“There you go,” Myunghwan says and Wonjae finds himself yearning for him to say baby again. “Try again.”

Wonjae leans forward again, wrapping his hand around the base of Myunghwan’s dick before taking the tip in his mouth again. He’s aware, painfully so, of how hard his own dick is. It makes him wonder how much of it is what he’s doing and how much of it is the fact that it’s Myunghwan he’s doing it too. This time when he pushes his head down, he manages to avoid gagging. Before long, he had a nice rhythm going, spit slipping down over his fingers and making it easier for him to stroke the rest of Myunghwan’s cock with his hand. With the angle he’s at, he can’t see if Myunghwan is looking at him.

He can feel him though. The intensity of his gaze makes his cheeks feel warm and he closes his eyes as he reaches down to squeeze himself through his sweats. The pleasure it sends through him makes an odd noise escape him. Myunghwan swears, fingers twisting in Wonjae’s hair. He doesn’t yank or pull though, just holds onto him like he needs something to grab.

“Just like that, rub your cock for me baby,” Myunghwan says, his voice a sigh.

Wonjae squeezes his own cock hard as he moans, the noise spilling out of him before he can stop it. He pulls off in a rush, panting and gasping. Fingers slip out of his hair and down his cheek, over his spit slicked lips and then back inside his mouth, pressing down on his tongue. When he opens his eyes, he sees Myunghwan staring down at him with undisguised hunger.

“Fuck…” Myunghwan says. “Stay just like that for me baby, okay?”

He reaches down and starts stroking his cock, hooking his fingers in Wonjae’s cheek and drawing him close like that. It’s…demeaning in a way that makes Wonjae even harder. It’s not even that though, not really, because he knows how much Myunghwan cares for him. He’d never hurt Wonjae, not really. But Wonjae thinks maybe he’d let him if he wanted, if they both wanted, if-

Myunghwan comes on his lips and tongue, his cheeks, almost his left eye. He doesn’t move even as Myunghwan sighs and his fingers slip out of Wonjae’s mouth. When he looks down at Wonjae, the fire of his hunger seems to be banked, replaced instead with a type of affection that makes the feeling in his chest bloom.

“Come here,” Myunghwan says as he tucks himself back in his pants and Wonjae all but clambers up onto his lap, moving to wipe the mess off his face, but Myunghwan grabs his wrist to stop him. “I’ve got it baby.”

Wonjae stays still, heart racing as Myunghwan pushes his fingers through the come and a moment later, pushes them into Wonjae’s mouth. The taste is bitter but it doesn’t bug him really. He’s much more interested in having Myunghwan’s fingers in his mouth again and when Myunghwan tries to retract them one last time Wonjae grabs his wrist. Myunghwan just smiles and tugs his fingers out anyway. He replaces them by kissing Wonjae instead so it works out he supposes.

The whole thing feels messy and gross, but under it all he just feels…loved. Because it’s Myunghwan, because it’s his best friend, and he could do just about anything with care and love. It’s scary feeling loved, especially when it’s because of something so rushed. But then, that was probably why Myunghwan had been so clear at the start that this was more than just a quick lay.

Those thoughts make it easier to kiss him back, to grab at his neck and shoulder and then groan as Myunghwan’s long and spit wet fingers push into his sweats and underwear to cup his dick. He hears his voice waver even muffled against Myunghwan’s lips. It’d be embarrassing to turn into such a mess from a simple touch if it were anyone but Myunghwan. Now well, it’s still embarrassing, but somehow that makes it better. He comes when Myunghwan squeezes his balls, shaking and trembling in his lap as his voice breaks and he throws his head back, hips jerking up.

Myunghwan strokes him through it, lips pressed to Wonjae’s chin and murmuring words too low and soft for Wonjae to sort out. He feels dizzy, and like his blood is pulsing too fast. Myunghwan lets go of his dick and Wonjae slumps forward, and a moment later…he bursts into tears. He’s not sobbing, but it’s like the arousal that had been keeping him moving has suddenly vanished now that he’s come and he grabs at Myunghwan’s shoulders as his cheeks become wet with tears.

“F-Fuck,” he says, voice shaking and cracking on the word as he pushes his messy face into Myunghwan’s neck.

"You’re okay,” Myunghwan says, hand cupping the back of his head as the other arm wraps around his lower back, pulling him close. He holds him like Wonjae’s precious. Like he hadn’t just come all over his face. “Fuck, fuck, Wonjae it’s alright…”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Wonjae says, his voice a grumble as he wipes his tears on Myunghwan’s neck.

“Sex is a lot,” Myunghwan says. “And that was…that was a little more than sex.”

Wonjae turns the experiences over in his head. The way Myunghwan had controlled him with just his fingers, the way he’d called Wonjae _baby_ like it was an insult and a compliment all at once. Yeah. It’s a little more than sex.

“I’m not like…upset,” Wonjae says, swallowing his guilt and sitting back up to look at him.

The smile Myunghwan gives him is soft, the kind he gives when he’s feeling too much to hide all the vulnerable bits. “It’s okay if you are. We…definitely should’ve talked a little more.”

“No, well, I mean, yeah we should’ve but I mean like…I’m glad we did that. I liked it a lot,” Wonjae says. “I think I just…maybe liked it too much?”

“No such thing,” Myunghwan says. He leans forward, presses a featherlight kiss to Wonjae’s lips. “But in the future, we’ll talk more first.”

-.-

And they do talk more. A lot more. And the sex somehow gets even better. In the past, Wonjae has never been all that communicative with his partners, but it had been mutual. Two people just trying to get off and feel less lonely for a bit. The sex was fine, everyone left more or less happy, but there was never anything mind-blowing about it, never any real connection beyond a baseline level of attraction.

Sex with Myunghwan isn’t just sex though. It’s a full-blown experience, and part of that he knows is because of the feelings they have for each other, but the other part is…this.

“Not yet, baby,” Myunghwan says.

Wonjae pants, biting back a groan as his pleasure tries to peak but fails without the stimulation of Myunghwan’s hand. The same hand that had been stroking his cock slips back up, fingers pushing into his mouth and Wonjae feels torn between wanting to bite at them in revenge or suck them the way Myunghwan wants. Myunghwan shifts on the couch next to him, tucking his legs underneath him. The fabric of his skirt brushes Wonjae’s bare thigh.

“Fuck you,” Wonjae says after a moment, letting his head flop back against the back of the couch. The words are garbled around Myunghwan’s fingers.

Myunghwan kisses his cheek and pulls his fingers free. “Be good.”

His hand returns to Wonjae’s cock and begins to stroke him again, and it’s been fucking hours of this so the pleasure has long ago tipped over into the realm of pain but Wonjae…likes it. He likes suffering for Myunghwan’s enjoyment. They’re both learning to be okay with that still.

So overwhelmed with the feeling, Wonjae finds it hard to stay quiet. The noises spill out of him in a mess, and the shame of it all almost chokes him, but it’s soothed away by the way Myunghwan’s nose brushes along his jaw and he presses soft kisses to his cheek. Despite the myriad of sensations, he finds himself approaching the edge once more again. It’s as if every time, he reaches it faster.

“M-Myunghwan…”

“Yes, baby?” Myunghwan asks, voice low in Wonjae’s ear.

“I’m…please let me…”

"Mmm…” Myunghwan draws his hand away again and Wonjae…fucking breaks.

Tears spill over from his eyes, hot and wet, and in a detached and distant way he thinks about how so often he struggles to cry but with this, Myunghwan gives him that chance. It’s something he’ll try to remember later. But now…now all he can really concentrate is on the throbbing pleasurable ache in his balls that has tipped over almost entirely into pain. Myunghwan kisses the tears that stream down his cheeks and rubs his thigh.

"There you go baby, just let it out,” Myunghwan says. “I got you…”

And he does. That’s the thing that’s made this whole thing with Myunghwan so good, so safe to explore. They’ve got each other. Even in their most shattered and vulnerable moments they’ve never let each other down and this…this is just like that but in a much more controlled way. Wonjae shakes as pleasure continues to pulse through him in steady waves. When Myunghwan pulls away enough for Wonjae to look down, he can see how dark and flushed his cock is, pre-come drooling down and making a mess of his stomach.

“Pretty,” Myunghwan says, resting his head on Wonjae’s shoulder.

Wonjae watches as Myunghwan reaches out with two fingers and then shouts when he pinches the tip of Wonjae’s dick between them. A moment later, he flattens his fingers and rubs the tip in quick circles, teasing. Wonjae tosses his head back and tries to breathe through the sensations that wash through him but it feels like he’s completely unmoored with no hope of getting steady again. Oddly, that doesn’t even scare him.

“Deep breaths,” Myunghwan says, drawing his hand away again. “I want to ask you something and I want you to answer honestly, okay?”

Wonjae nods, squeezing his eyes shut right as he tries to think past the endorphins flooding his system. Myunghwan rests a hand against his abdomen, rubbing in a motion that helps draw attention away from all the other feelings that eat away at his rational thought. He takes deep breaths the way Myunghwan asked. Eventually, his heartbeat steadies and he rolls his head to look at Myunghwan, stomach flipping at the soft and affectionate look he finds there.

“Do you think you can go the rest of the day without coming if I let you come tonight?” Myunghwan asks.

“Are you going to…keep doing this?” Wonjae asks, voice still trembling and thick with tears.

“No, no more teasing,” Myunghwan says.

Wonjae looks away and opts to stare at the ceiling instead. He…wants to make Myunghwan happy, and extend the game until the evening because why else would he ask unless that’s what he wanted to do. But still…he doesn’t imagine the ache and tension that fills his body abating to a more bearable level. The thought of feeling like this the rest of the afternoon makes him feel sick.

“I don’t think I can,” Wonjae says, looking back at Myunghwan.

"Okay, baby, c’mere.”

Myunghwan tugs at Wonjae until he’s straddling Myunghwan’s skinny legs, knees brushing the soft fabric of his black skirt. He wonders if Myunghwan will let him take pictures later. He loves taking pictures of Myunghwan is skirts and dresses, loving the way he can twist and contort his body to create shapes and silhouettes with long fabrics. For someone who so shamelessly gives his body and skin up to his friends to etch art into, he can get remarkably shy sometimes about Wonjae taking pictures of him.

Those thoughts scatter like leaves in a storm when Myunghwan’s hand wraps back around his cock. He flails out with one hand, clamping down on Myunghwan’s shoulder. He bites at his lip as he collapses forward into Myunghwan’s weight, trying to muffle the desperate noises escaping him. Myunghwan hushes him, his other hand coming up to push two fingers against Wonjae’s lips. Wonjae accepts them gratefully. One day he’ll think about why it is he feels better having Myunghwan’s long fingers shoved in his mouth. For now, he’s just grateful for the outlet as he shivers in Myunghwan’s lap.

“Fuck my hand, baby, show me how much you want it,” Myunghwan says.

His fingers press back and Wonjae chokes even as he pushes himself upright enough to start pushing his hips up, driving his cock into Myunghwan’s grip. Myunghwan smiles at him like he’s not a drooling mess. Wonjae feels tears at the corners of his eyes again and he squeezes his eyes shut right as he comes with a garbled and low noise. Myunghwan keeps his grip firm on Wonjae’s dick as come dribbles out over his hand, slow and thick from all the buildup. The grip hurts from how oversensitive he is, but it’s better than the teasing and light touches he’s been tortured with all afternoon.

It’s proof that even when he’s out of his mind from pleasure, Myunghwan knows him well enough to know exactly what he needs. He can trust Myunghwan without any fear of being dropped.

Wonjae tugs Myunghwan’s fingers out of his mouth but only so he can fall forward and give Myunghwan a messy and wet kiss. Their teeth clack together when Myunghwan laughs, full of affection. He lets Wonjae press close even though he’s making a mess of Myunghwan’s clothes. When they do this, Myunghwan never lets him feel like he’s so needy, too messy, too greedy, too desperate, always making sure that Wonjae knows his needs come first. Even in the moments where Wonjae stops knowing if he’s feeling pain or pleasure, his needs come first.

He wonders if Myunghwan knows how truly selfless he is.

-.-

Things are good until they’re suddenly not. Until they’re in the middle of the scene and Wonjae starts to cry from overstimulation and Myunghwan…panics. It takes them both by surprise. It’s not like anything is out of the ordinary. Sometimes they have plain vanilla sex, but more often than not, they play along the delicate line of shame and care, Myunghwan winding Wonjae up with a gentle touch that blends pleasure and pain together until Wonjae can let go of everything.

It’s hard for him to focus when he’s yanked so abruptly out of the soft and out of control headspace Myunghwan so effortlessly pushes him into. His worry for Myunghwan who curls up on the opposite end of the bed helps kill the arousal. With his head a little clearer, he takes a deep breath. Then another. He leans over to his nightstand and grabs a few tissues to wipe himself up, shoving down his own panic as the sound of Myunghwan’s muffled crying gets louder.

“Hey,” he says, reaching out with a hand and squeezing Myunghwan’s shoulder. His stomach lurches when Myunghwan flinches away and he draws his hand back as he considers his next move. In the end, he settles for spooning up behind Myunghwan without touching him, keeping an inch or so between their bodies, but settling close enough he’s sure Myunghwan can feel Wonjae’s breath on his neck as he speaks. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m not actually hurt or anything.”

He’s just guessing really. Myunghwan is…soft. He isn’t really sharp edges or anything like that, not really, and Wonjae knows that it’s intentional. He knows that Myunghwan doesn’t want to emulate the person in his life who tried to create a world where being soft would be impossible. If anything, Wonjae feels like he’s learning that the type of play they do will never cross over into true pain – not that he really is interested in that. But…the minefield they’re navigating is obvious. It always has been, since the start, but they’ve been careful.

Still, he supposes it was just a matter of time before they mis-stepped.

“Can I hold you?” Wonjae asks.

He doesn’t get a response at first so Wonjae settles instead for closing his eyes and taking deep breaths to try and keep his own panic at bay until Myunghwan is ready to talk. Guilt dogs at the edges of mind. They’ve been so careful to not trip over Wonjae’s feelings of self-loathing that like to rear up, that they’ve neglected to consider Myunghwan’s own triggers. His past. The ways that some of what they might do might mirror the same feelings of shame and fear he’s had in the past.

“I’m sorry,” Myunghwan says and Wonjae knows he’s not apologizing for freaking out.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Wonjae says. “You haven’t hurt me.”

Myunghwan somehow manages to curl up even tighter on himself but at least it sounds like the crying is abating. That’s progress. “I’m just like-“

“You’re not,” Wonjae says. He doesn’t want Myunghwan finish that thought at all. “You take care of me so well. You make me feel so loved and cared for, even when you’re making me cry. That’s…it’s because I feel so loved that I find it so easy to cry, you know?” He shifts, almost reaching out to touch Myunghwan again before stopping himself. “Can I hold you?”

"If you want.”

The words feel like a challenge in a way. Like Myunghwan doesn’t think he should expect or deserve the comfort of Wonjae’s touch.

“Of course I want to,” Wonjae says. “But only if you want it too.”

After a long moment that stretches on far too long for Wonjae’s comfort, Myunghwan uncurls a little and his head jerks up and down in a nod. Wonjae breathes out a sigh of relief and wiggles close. It’s a little weird considering he’s naked and Myunghwan is still dressed in a tank top and pair of gym shorts, but that’s fine by him. He just wants to be close. He just wants Myunghwan to know he’s not going anywhere and doesn’t think he’s a monster.

He wraps his arm around Myunghwan’s abdomen and presses a kiss to the back of his neck. After a moment, he slips his hand beneath Myunghwan’s tank top and rubs his skin, fingers having long ago memorized the lines of the chaotic and random designs of his tattoos. Myunghwan lets out a breath, shaky. Wonjae finds himself wishing, not for the first time, that he was good at words off the top of his head. It’s not like he can go sit down and write out all his thoughts so that they’re eloquent, so he does his best to think over exactly what he wants to say before next opening his mouth.

“Everything we do together…makes me feel safe and loved. That’s the difference between you and…and someone who would abuse other people,” Wonjae says. “I find it hard to cry sometimes, you know that, both because of my medication and sometimes just because…I can feel pretty detached from myself. But you give me a space where I feel like I can let go, and you help me get to a point where I have no choice, so it…it’s perfect. Crying doesn’t mean I’m sad or hurt.”

Myunghwan reaches down with his own hand to rub his thumb over the back of Wonjae’s hand. “I’m glad.” His voice sounds steadier now.

"I do have one small complaint though,” Wonjae says, keeping his tone light so Myunghwan knows he’s joking. “I’m very naked and starting to get cold so can we get under your sheets?”

Myunghwan gives another jerky nod. Wonjae maneuvers them both under the blanket and holds Myunghwan close to him as they both doze. At some point, Kyobi jumps up onto the bed and settles in near Myunghwan’s chest. He doesn’t protest when Myunghwan starts to pet his back, or when Myunghwan tugs him up so he can kiss his head a few times before letting Kyobi settle where he wants.

“I like doing it to you,” Myunghwan says, voice quiet. “I like the way you look when you cry because you’re so overwhelmed. I…It makes me feel sick.”

"Always?” Wonjae asks.

“Nah.” He watches as Myunghwan rubs circles into Kyobi’s back. “But sometimes when I think about it when you’re not here, then it hits me.”

“Do you want to stop doing it the way we have been?” Wonjae asks.

“I don’t think so,” Myunghwan says. “I like doing it a lot…I just don’t like how…liking it makes me feel. I don’t like feeling guilty.”

Wonjae rubs his forehead against the back of Myunghwan’s neck. “Let’s change it up then. Let’s figure out how to make it work without you feeling guilty for it and work our way back up to it.”

Myunghwan sighs and drops his hand back down to cover Wonjae’s. “Yeah. Okay.”

-.-

They’re more careful. They scale everything back, cutting down on how often they have sex, and when they do, they keep it pretty tame. It’s not like they don’t like sex that way too, but it is apparent how much more they’re both in control of their reactions and emotions when they don’t add in the other elements. The whole thing was Wonjae’s idea, but he does find himself missing the way Myunghwan called him baby and made him feel small and protected. Sex still does that in a way, but it’s not as intense.

He mentions it to Myunghwan because figuring shit out together doesn’t work if they don’t fucking talk. Myunghwan gets it though. He drags Wonjae back to bed, gets between his legs, boxes him in with his arms and kisses him slow and deep when they fuck. His fingers leave bruises in Wonjae’s thigh as he holds him open and fucks into him.

"Such a good baby for me, just like that,” he says, his voice caught between a whisper and a gasp against Wonjae’s lips as he pushes into him with a roll of his hips.

Wonjae clings at his shoulders and swallows around the lump in his throat. It’s good though. It’s a good feeling, the way Myunghwan can make him feel so loved and cherished with something so simple, something so easy. As nice as it is to be overwhelmed, he likes this too. Myunghwan’s gaze on him, warm and intense, his grip just on the other side of gentle, and when he finally comes he feels like Myunghwan has scooped something out of him and replaced it with something better. From the way Myunghwan looks at him, he has a feeling Myunghwan feels the same.

It sort of feels like they’ve been doing the whole relationship thing backwards, but he’s pretty sure they’ll get it right in the end.


End file.
